Just as i am, Angelica - 2006, Part #2

I didn't tell my family about him, i wasn't sure we were going to last and i didn't want to embarrass myself in front to them. Junior thought he owned me after that. I was his and none else could have any part of me, not even a smile. He started off small, with my clothing, he liked me to cover up. Then my cousins wedding came around, i had a new dress and loads of gifts, I'd even brought my plane ticket to Melbourne for the wedding. He didn't like me going away from him, he cornered me and tolled me it was the wedding or him, decide! I was so scared of him, i made excuses to my family and stayed home. I regret that more than anything else. That's when he saw the power he had over my life, he must have got greedy for it. It just got worse and worse as the months ran on. I came to work covered in bruises. Once he gave me a black eye, i covered it up with make up, but he made me take it off. I think he was proud of his brutality. He forced me for sex, he even raped me on his brothers bed one day when i had the guts to fight him off. He threatened to have my girlfriends raped if i kept talking to them, and stole thousands of dollars from my accounts. He tolled me he was keeping the money so i could use it latter? He got me pregnant, i cried and cried. He tolled me not to take contraception, said that i didn't trust him to take care of me. I was right. He all but forced me to get rid of the baby. It didn't matter, my body was so sick with stress and malnutrition, not to mention lack of sleep that i miscarried a few weeks in. That was it. I was so broken and dependant on him i hated him. He repulsed me with every ounce of my being. A friend from work noticed the change in me and helped me go to the police. Freedom sweet freedom. New years was my first week without him, i was happy, there was a Shadow looming over my happiness but a real smile shone on my face. I did meet him again a few times after that, i was still so dependant on him. I was still so afraid of him and felt still so much guilt of not being good enough. Eventually i saw him for what he was and i felt an inner strength Ive never had before. I am in love now, with myself. I can do anything, and i know one day i will find someone who treats my love with respect. Someone who really loves me just as i am. But until then i am quite happy just to be me.