Just as i am, Angelica - 2006, Part #1

I was working at a super market. Junior Santa was the after hours manager, i thought he was very sweet. He was the same height as me with short black hair and a mole on his right cheek. His mother was Chinese and his farther Portuguese but he had grown up in Australia. He was very strong, with thick muscular arms but a slight build, i remember him leaning against his gold sports car looking exactly like a Chinese movie Starr. He showered me with roses and brought me expensive jewelry. I had never had someone treat me like he did, i was dazzled by his gifts and romantic cards so when he finally asked to spend some time with me, i said yes. In the weeks that followed we talked allot, he was so sweet, he brought me flowers and took me out to new places for diner. He taught me about Chinese food and teased me when he saw me using chopsticks. I thought he was wonderful. I never could get those first few weeks out of my mind. He tolled me he loved me "just the way i am" i felt swept off my feet. It all started to change when he found out i wasn't a virgin. How many nineteen year old virgins do you know? I don't know any. He felt betrayed, he cried and yelled that i was a slut and a whore. I was angry and hurt, and at the same time i felt a tremendous sense of guilt for not keeping myself for him. It was very strange. We spent hours that night in the back of his car crying, him in anger and disappointment, me in shame. Eventually he decided he would kill himself because he couldn't have all of me. I was not happy with that i thought it was the most stupid thing i had ever herd, but i didn't want him to die, not for me. So i gave myself to him, it was one of the strangest experiences of my life and will stay with me always. It was terrifying i cried through the whole thing, my body was on such an emotional high it responded to him like it had been programed just for that moment. But i was so full of guilt and shame i enjoyed nothing, and remember remarkably little of the experience. He decided not to kill himself, i never really trusted him after that. I felt betrayed. Everything went back to normal for a while, flowers, restaurants and love letters. Then he asked me to marry him? Just little more than a month into our relationship. Naturally i said no, to ask me again later. He Asked me four times before i finally said yes not wanting to hurt his feelings any more. I felt a sort of guilty happiness. Happy i was getting married, worried it wasn't the right time or man, and guilty that i wasn't all that he wanted.....